Ehehehe, I haven't been updating two days in a row since my first few posts, if I recall correctly. Hope you guys don't scare yourself to death from my sudden enthusiasm ;'). Anyway, I've been thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm kind of a strange person.
Okay, yeah, huge shocker for the people who know me already, but really. I'm lead to believe I'm completely atypical, and not always in a good way..
Most obviously, there's the fact that I'm not really all that mature. I mean, loads of people aren't very mature at my age, but I like to make detailed references to Disney Classics, random kids' movies, Pokémon and Winnie the Pooh in day-to-day conversation. I also tend to start talking/screaming very excitedly and animatedly when talking about miscellaneous things, which generally winds up with people looking at me weirdly. That's actually quite a fun thing to experience now and then. :'D. I can get super obsessed by books or series or anime or games or really ANYTHING, and I can't stop talking or bothering my friends about it.
Secondly, I'm quite the tomboy. I don't give a shit about skin creams, I don't clip my nails (instead I just let them grow until they break off), I have a total of 9 holes in my ears but hardly wear earrings (and when I do they mostly include miscellaneous pinned items, like safety pins and button pins), I don't wear makeup other than eyeliner, mascara and eye-shadow, and the latter I don't even wear very often, I halfway dress like a dude sometimes and I like reptiles and guns and cars and stuff. Also, I don't hesitate to voice my opinion on the hotness of (mostly animated x'D) females, even though I'm not attracted to girls in that way. I also hate shaving my legs, and I go most of winter with furry legs because I wear pants anyway and nobody cares. Maybe if I had a boyfriend, I would care about that, I don't know. x'D. Probably. Most of my close friends are guys, too, because I just get along with them better.
I'm quite the recluse. I don't go out often, don't go bar-hopping EVER, in fact I've never really been inside of a bar/pub/whatever. I don't know all that many people in the town I've lived in for 16 years now, rather I know people from school, most of whom live a couple of towns over. Hence, I never really make time and opportunity to hang out with my friends.
Maybe the most inherently scary of aspects of my strangeness is my curious lack of "the ability to give a fuck", for quote's sake. It's not actually that serious, it's more like a sort of apathy; I definitely do give a fuck about most things, but it kind of scares me when people are like "you know what I mean, when you really want something, you'd do anything for it", like it's a common thing. I've never before in my life wanted anything enough to care overmuch if it turned out I couldn't get it. I don't participate in giveaways and stuff because I don't actually think I'll ever get it anyway. I let awesome opportunities pass me by because I don't think it'll happen. If I weren't so DAMNED FUCKING APATHETIC about those things all the time, maybe I'd have an awesome life. As it is, I've only been to one concert, been to one convention, and have never really 'gone out' in the way most teenagers do.
Not to mention the horrible lack of a love life. But really, let's not mention that. :'D.
The problem with these things is that while they make up who I am, and I can say I am to some degree proud of (some of) them, at the same time there's always this nagging feeling at the back of my mind telling me to change, to subdue myself to normality so that I might have a chance at life. "I am so crazy weird, guys would have to have a crazy stupid particular taste to like me". "If I never go out, I'll never fucking meet anybody new". "Dude, that guy's got a LIFE. He's way out of my league. Do you KNOW how many girls he must know? Girls that are normal and girly and actually attractive..."
So goes the circle of my life.
^^.
I'm sorry for this surprise sadfest, I was just going to make a slightly humorous self-evaluation sort of thing, but it turns out my brain had other plans. Don't feel like going up and deleting and rewriting all of that, now. Probably again missed out on half the stuff I wanted to say, too. (Also, the blogging x2 combo has failed. It is now 00:02 where I live.
See you guys next time on a hopefully more cheerful note! :').
~Levyathan
To me my dear Levy, you sound awesome. My kinda girl. Don't strive for normality. Ever. Strive to be different, aim to be you, even if you are crazy. Crazy is good, crazy is awesome. I'm older than you (not much older mind) and I can be very immature in the sense that you put it, plus I'm stickler for dirty jokes and I still can't say titmouse without laughing. Ha, titmouse. HAHAHAHA anyway the point is that all those things, they make you, you. You don't want a generic guy, you want someone weird and outlandish like yourself. Or you do want someone normal to help balance you out. But if you want to change, then go for it, and change for yourself. Not to get a boy, not to even get a life. You can find friends anywhere, and seriously, you sound awesome.
ReplyDeleteExcept for the whole hairy legs thing, but hey I can live with that.
P.S no makeup equals win! Seriously (geez how often have I said that so far?) I think that a girl can look so much better without it than with it.
I think I'm done.
Titmouse? Ha, titmouse. HAHAHAHA
Delete(is that the joystick mouse, nipplemouse, clitmouse thing on some laptops?)
Haha, titmouse, wtf does it mean :D
DeleteThanks so much, it's really nice of you to say <3. I'm not always this unconfident, but it happens now and then, and it's good to just get it out sometimes. Also, don't worry - I shave my legs whenever anyone is actually at risk of seeing them ;). It's just too much of a hassle to do it in winter when they're always covered up anyway. And about makeup, I think you're right. Although with the right amount of makeup in the right places, beauty can really be brought to the foreground, it's also way too easy to simply overuse the stuff and end up looking like a tramp. In the worst case, of course. :'D.
DeleteI'm sweeter than sugar and worse for your heart :P Just remember I meant it all, and if you ever want some advice or someone to talk to, you can hit me up. Just please don't actually hit me. I think that there are probably really several girls who don't shave their legs like that. As for the makeup, I've seen a lot of girls who look even worse with it. Way way worse. Makeup is supposed to accentuate what is already there, not cover it up.
DeleteIs it bad that I related a lot to this? o__o Naw, you know what, reclusive is probably the way to go. (I wish I had some guy friends though, my class is ALL girls and I'm shit at socializing outside of school.)
ReplyDeleteBut yeah. I guess everyone freaks out about their life sometimes, but good things come to those who wait? :D Be proud of your oddities, they will take you far.
Yeah, we recluses (is that a word? x'D) are totally awesome in our own way, huh? :'D. And thanks, that's probably good advice to keep in mind <3.
Delete"I have a total of 9 holes"
ReplyDeleteholy shit what the fuck
"in my ears"
Oh.
And it isn't called apathetic it's called just not grabbing opportunities. Give more fucks, get more fucks in return. (Well maybe not literally... or maybe literally, I don't know)
Also how the fuck is crazy a bad thing. I'd bet my every boonbuck there's tons of crazy guys out there thinking the exact same things.
And whatever the fuck you do, don't try to conform to social norms or whatever. They suck ass, and I don't think you'll want to spend the rest of your life bent over getting your ass sucked and sucking someone's ass simultaneously.
Why do you tend to describe this so graphically??
DeleteThat... was exactly what I was wondering x'D. Explain yourself, Fang.
DeleteI think he's fixated on your ass. I always figured him for an ass man.
DeleteWhuh.. .Not mine, I hope x'D. Fang, do you have something to say? Don't tell me that lingerie joke was actually serious. x'DDD.
DeleteActually, he's probably not even reading these comments anymore, hurr durr durr. :'D.
If he is he loves you more than he loves me. But he loves me the most out of everybody. He told me he doesn't subscribe to comments after someone else replies to him, I guess if he was going to do it he would have done it by now. Now, what's this lingerie joke? :P Did he joke about wearing it? I bet he would. But I seem to think he's not straight anyway. I still feel bad about assuming he was gay.
DeleteSomehow, my brains want to know this joke :$)
DeleteWhahaha, it was nothing all that interesting. x'D. It did not, in fact, involve Fang wearing it, rather the suggestion of me wearing it when I came over. It was kind of funny. x'D.
DeleteThat's just because he wanted to wear it. Though normally I'd expect a girl to punch a guy for that kind of thing.
DeleteI would have, had he said it in person. I'm generally quite sensitive about these things, don't like people insinuating stuff. Also, this is turning into some heavy conversational shit right here. :'D.
DeleteWhat do you mean by that? Both conversation shit and insinuating things. I was insinuating he's gay and wears ladies underwear, you gonna punch me for that? :P
DeleteHAHA I FOUND YOU
DeleteYou'd hit me, sure, but not hard enough to actually hurt me. You should do that more often.
Also I'm fixated on Mark's ass. And he knows it. And I know he knows. And, well, shits and giggles I guess.
@Mark, I've never been punched by her, and I've made quite some insinuations, even about her parents(A)
DeleteHeheheh well I am now. Though I would have to cyber-punch you and that's hard because I don't know exactly where to direct it. I guess you're off the hook for now. ;). By the conversational shit I only mean to say that we're replying to replies to replies, if you catch my drift ^^. As for the insinuation bit.. Now that you're actually asking me about it I find that that's a nice fucking twist in my psyche right there. x'D. 'Cause what I mean to say is that I don't like people talking about me as if I'm sexually attractive (that sounds really weird), - even though I'm the one complaining no one's ever gonna like me and stuff. I really am a bit weird. Enjoying this space-trip into my thought processes? x'DD.
DeleteOkay first, what is it with you people getting off on me punching you? x'DD. Secondly, ET, I have punched you on several accounts, though maybe not hard, and I don't... really... remember you making insinuations about my parents? Do I even want to know? x'D.
DeleteNo not enjoying it. Jut finding it plain interesting. GO ON.
DeleteHonestly though, what the flying fuck.
Maybe you're just so not used to people looking at you being all like "dayum!" that you find it so odd nowadays it's sort of a phobia?
Well yes actually if that doesn't make me sound too weird. Or creepy. Talking about people finding you sexually attractive may cross that line though. I also can't make any judgements. But I'm having fun talking at least, and if I have to talk on blog comments then that's just how I'll talk :P It sounds like you're not actually even sure you want someone to find you attractive, or you just don't believe people who think that you are. The second is more believable, and there are a lot of people like that. Hell I just finally saw a girls eye after two years of talking to her. That is a blessing of the internet generation.
DeleteAlso people aren't getting off on you punching me, I'm getting off on you punching me.
Delete...what?
Damn, she got me.
DeleteMe no gettin' zis...
@ET: Bahahaha look at me being all perceptive! What's not to get?
Delete@Fang: Lolwut, you just contradicted yourself, bud. And I think you might have a point there. It's not something I'm generally aware of, I guess.
@Mark: I thought you might. :). N'awh, if I thought it was creepy I wouldn't post my shit out here on the interwebz. Hmm.. you're probably right. In fact, I know you're right, and that actually worries me sometimes. The first suggestion as much as the second. And yes, I think that can be a blessing indeed. :'D.
I want people to find me attractive, but I know because of my weight they won't. I'm a lovely person inside, but people are too focused on the outside. If you don't want someone to find you attractive, it would mean that you don't consider yourself all that attractive. I'd be happy to shower you with praise if you want :P If you don't think you're attractive, you're never going to believe it when someone else does. So, what about yourself do you not find attractive? What DO you find attractive?
DeleteIf you don't want to get your problems out for all to see but do want to talk about them, then do feel free to email me.
DeleteWell why the fuck not. I might not be able to talk much longer though, I think I should be getting some much-needed sleep soon.
DeleteIf that means you're going to email me the address is on my blog. Sorry to make you work for it :P We can always talk again after you wake up.
DeletePlease wake up.
Don't worry, I was planning on it ;). Waking up, I mean. And I've already found your email 'cause I know where it is because I've read your archives, remember?
DeleteYeah but I'm crazy like that :P That was a fun time when you read the archives, it's a shame you never responded. We could be having like 20 conversations at once right about now.
DeleteYeah but here on the internet everypony is equal, everypony is loved, and so we don't have to deal with shit like "weight" and "looks" and stuff.
DeleteWe brought the real world to the internet. It's about time we bring the internet back to the real world!
Ah yeah because that would definitely be the opposite of confusing. x'D. Shush, I'm emailing you.
DeleteAlso we should totally do the thing where we all email each other and then everyone "reply-all"'s and our inboxes go shithive maggots.
DeleteI'm now wondering how Levy feels about teh ponies. Hey I've had multiple conversations with people before. It's almost insane that I'm bad at chess.
DeleteOh and Fang I am doing that with two other people, it can get kind of convoluted and weird, especially when two people talk and the third one doesn't say anything for a while.
DeleteThat's kind of what we're doing now though, isn't it. Except it's only MY inbox that's going shithive maggots ATM. x'D. As for teh ponies, I haven't yet had the chance to actually watch the show, but I'm planning on it once I actually make time for something. :).
DeleteActually because I'm subscribed to comments and my phone goes off when I get an email, both my inbox and my phone are going shithive maggots. So you aren't suffering alone. You need to play Final Fantasy IX and watch Doctor Who as well. I will make sure you do all this you know. Now hurry up and email me :P
DeleteSo. It's all over the place and maybe not ideally worded, but it should be heading your way. :'D.
DeleteYay you emailed me! Yay I responded! Yay we're talking! But booo you're probably going to stop talking here :P Until your next post then if that do be the case.
DeleteLev you should totally come over and watch MLP:FiM with me and possibly other people during summer break.
DeleteCan I come? I'll be good.
DeleteIt calls for a night out!!
ReplyDeleteBut really, most people are not mature at all at your age. It's just how they've been pressed on the outside.
And knowing everybody in your town is exhausting like hell! It's better to have some good friends than having a lot of "bad" friends :) Except for the communities I come in, there are only 3-4 people I might call my friends.
"Not being normal is called being unique" -Leonardo Da Vinci
PS Apathy is a great rapper...(A)
Haha, never heard of the rapper... should I look them up? I also think that a couple of good friends is better than all of the shitty ones, but it does kind of suck that it takes so long to get together..
DeleteThanks for that inspiring quote, I'll have to remember that one. :'DD.
Nah, he's from Connecticut, and calls himself the King of CT...(who'd do that?)
DeleteMaybe if you like Fort Minor .?
'cause there's a link w'them
First, Fort minor has some tracks with the underground rappers of Styles of Beyond, hereafter reffered to as SOB. SOB made music with DOE RAKERS. Celph Titled is in this rapformation and created the GBC, Get Busy Commitee. Apathy is one of the rappers in this group.
*Or*
Apathy rapped on Fort Minor's DJ Green Lantern Presents Fort Minor: We Major...