Finals Incoming

It's true. I'm barely a couple of months into the year, and yet I'll be finishing my courses in the coming two weeks. (Or, y'know, I will if I manage to make it through without having to re-do any of the tests). It's a weird feeling, considering that I've spent six years in middle/high school having the same courses all along.

Anyway, it's not as if I'll be totally rid of them. Maths 1 is simply becoming Maths 2 and, similarly, I'll be getting subjects with a different name but bearing a huge resemblance to the ones I've had so far.

Apart from all of this is the fact that FINALS ARE COMING. Which means I'm up to my ears in electrons getting --EXCIT---ED and zooming around in orbitals instead of plain ole' orbits. There's also a lot of technical mumbo-jumbo and complicated formulae with (oh joy) the units expressed in different ways than I'm used to. Really, what's the point of changing Fz for gravitational force to simply Z? (For the record, it's called zwaartekracht over here ;)).

I did do an awesome job at the weekly Maths 1 tests we had. Well, maybe not strictly awesome, but awesome enough that I met the requirements to skip the final. One down, four to go.

Another thing entirely: I saw this movie yesterday night. It's called "The Grey", it's about Liam Neeson (Qui Gon Jinn, of course) and some other guys who's plane crashed in the barren wilderness where a pack of humongous wolves start hunting them down one by one. It wasn't an incredibly interesting movie, all things considered. It was cool, but kind of pointless and slow. There was however a poem that the father of the main character had written which was basically really cool.

Once more into the fray

Into the last good fight I'll ever know

Live and die on this day

Live and die on this day

The way he said it gave me chills. That's the kind of thing I find really cool, though I wouldn't be able to put a finger on the exact reason if you'd asked me. 

But yes, I should probably get back to my fantastic date with the fifth edition of "Exploring Chemical Analysis".

I'll talk to you on the other side of the finals.
Or, perhaps, in the midst of them.
We shall see.


~Levyathan

The title is unrelated

Yesterday I met up with a couple of friends from high school and we went out to a bar. It was great fun and we should totally repeat that sometime. I guess it was made doubly awesome (although I do kind of feel guilty about it) by the fact that I didn't spend a penny. I got through the night on rounds from everyone.
It was probably helped along by the fact that prior to going to the actual bar, we all had a shot of Smirnoff Triple Distilled (or, as we've come to call it, 'Triple Gross') which according to the label contains 37.5% alcohol. It wasn't even that gross, it just burned a whole lot, going down.

Either way, we had a great time, I caught up with some other friends and colleagues, and after all these adventures I didn't even wind up with a hangover. I'm basically a boss.
And probably just really lucky. I know at least some of the others aren't faring as well as I am. I feel bad for those guys.

Now, something I haven't told you guys yet about the practicals is that every week a couple of people have to stay after hours and make sure everything is left the way it should be (we call 'em "zaalcommissarisen" or "zaalco's", which means as much as the supervising director for a certain lab hall). They also have the duty to bring cake which all of us can enjoy during the breaks. This week it is my turn, and so the house is smelling delicious with the aromas of fine bakery.
By the way, practical lasts from 8:30 to 17:00, with breaks from 10:00-10:30, 12:30-13:30, and 15:00-15:30.
The half-hour breaks are spent with the people from our own lab hall, and that's when the cake is devoured, while 12:30-13:30 is the regular lunch period and we generally spend that together as group 6. (Meaning the people I went through the introduction with. We're still all pretty close, which is awesome.)

Meanwhile, my romantic troubles are ever-present. >,>. I make my own life difficult. I think that probably even if I drank as much as I did yesterday (which wasn't over the top, but I was a bit further gone than I normally go) while he was around, I still wouldn't be able to look at him for too long or talk to him out of nowhere or try and get him to dance with me. His presence basically incapacitates me and I hate that but I see no way to change it.

Ugh, infatuation.

Anyway, I'll leave you guys be for a while so I can finish my Mechanics 1A assignments and hopefully start writing a report about the experiment we did to calculate the dissociation constant for methyl orange. I have to hand it in by Tuesday, and I've also yet to prepare for the analysis we have to conduct this week. I'm doing that tomorrow and hoping I don't have much else to do by then, so yeah.

(Also I can't really make heads nor tails of Act 6 Intermission 3. I'm constantly like 'oh hey there's new pages  oh wait this is kind of strange. what. what is even happening. aight awesome. I guess. oh it's the end already.')

But really this has been it.
Imma ollie outie.


~Leyvathan

Lalalalala

I should really be doing productive things right now. I'm really not.
See, there's this test coming up on Thursday. It's for my Biomolecules course. Biomolecules is, quite frankly, the most boring course I've ever had. Not that the material itself is particularly horrible or even uninteresting, it's just... the guy who teaches the course is the worst public speaker. It is simply impossible to stay alert during lectures. It just doesn't happen.
Which basically means that my usual method of breezing through new material by paying attention in class and not having to study a lot is rendered useless. I'm going to actually have to study this. I'm still putting it off, though.
It's something that's known as SOG (or 'studie ontwijkend gedrag', being something like 'study evading behavior', except that's a really sucky translation) and it's something I exhibit large amounts of.

On the other hand, the practical today went pretty okay. I went most of the day without feeling dumb, which is a good thing, surely. It kind of sucked, though, that a couple minutes before the end I knocked over my measuring cilinder and the top broke. Meaning I now have a broken piece of glass in my cabinet in the chemical lab, because it happened after five so the glass storage room was no longer open. This also means that the very same cabinet is full of flasks I borrowed but was too late to return. Next week, then.
Also, if I'm lucky, when I bring the broken cilinder to Michel (the guy who keeps the glass, so to say) he'll tell me it's fixable and I won't have to pay for the broken piece of equipment. There's a chance, because it broke above the actual measuring part, if you know what I mean.

So anyway, I may or may not be heading into the city in a couple of moments to meet the candidates for election for the study union board. (I don't know about English, by the way, but in Dutch we have two distinct things - there's 'studievereningingen', or study unions, which oversee the activities but also aid in for example the purchase of books for a certain study (or, in this case, cluster, but nevermind that), and there's 'studentenverenigingen', which is more aptly translated to 'student unions' and contain many students from different studies who generally drink and party a lot. I'm not perfectly sure because I didn't join one, but that seems to be the gist of it.) I'm not yet sure whether I'm going, but I guess I might as well check it out?

I'll continue this soliloquy at a later date. ;).

Ciao,

~Levyathan

Tempus Fugit

A month has flown by.

Seriously, it's really strange to consider the fact that I've known all these people, known this life, for a month already. On the other hand, it feels as if we've been together for years. It's a strange experience.

University, after a month, is becoming less impossible and more of a tough challenge that can be overcome if you're willing to give it the effort and time it's gonna take.
So far, that effort and time have been surprisingly limited, although I've not yet had any exams and therefore this beautiful bubble may yet come crashing down. We do have little tests for Maths every week, but there's this awesome regulation that allows us to skip the exam entirely if we get a good enough grade on all of them. I've been doing quite well, so there's hope for that. :').
Tuesdays mean practicals, ALL DAY. I don't hate them, really, but I'm not really good at it.. I'm always walking around like a crazed monkey, trying to get my stuff in order and I never finish on time. But hopefully it's gonna get better. Apparently it should, so we'll just hang on to that.

Altogether, life in Nijmegen is great. It's so incredibly convenient to live close to the uni. Also the city center isn't far at all, which makes cycling home in the wee hours of the morning on Thursday-technically-Friday that much less of a gargantuan task. (What is even up with my spellcheck that it doesn't recognize 'task' but gave no problems when I misspelled it as 'taks'? x'D. Anyway, I digress). The previously alluded to outings on Thursdays are a lot of fun, even if it feels like you're dying on your feet. This week and the next see actual parties on Thursday, rather than just going to the bar with a couple of friends. Beestfeest (loosely translated to Beast Party) this week promises to be good, as does the Pitcher Party that's coming up next week. Next week we've also got the first-years' swimming activity. Basically all of the first year Molecular Science (the cluster of Molecular Life Science (which is what I do), Science and Chemistry) people who sign up are going to hit the pool together, after which we'll go party hardy at the Pitcher.
...As luck would have it, I've got my IB 'graduation' ceremony on the day after. I wonder exactly how alive I'm going to be by then, but I suppose that's part of the charm ;).
Also, I've picked up a lot of expressions and words I would never have gotten into the habit of using had I stayed home, I don't think. It's quite funny. :'D.
Also, I've said the word Thursday far too often in this paragraph. D:.

Sadly, the sudden surge in cute guys in the immediate vicinity has not done me a lot of good. Maybe it's my fault for crushing on one guy too quickly and then being too much of a chicken to do anything about it. Could be, certainly. Either way, my romantic troubles continue because I can't man up and just say something. Sigh.
I've even got a willing wingman, who's a great guy and really patient with all of my nagging and confidence issues (which have been getting less, I gotta say), but I find the idea of using someone to get where you wanna go with a guy to be weird and just wrong, I guess? But then I'll never get there on my own, at this rate.

There you go, first world problems.

...He's really cute, though. :').

Okay, now, I've probably forgotten half the things I should have said. But who knows, maybe I'll think of them later and give you guys another update ;). Although I wouldn't be surprised if most of you have given up on me by now... Ahwell, I know I'll always have some of you guys. <3.

...(Speaking of which, it's good that things have been picking up again lately because it's been awfully quiet for a while. I've kind of missed you guys. :'3)


P.S.: Listen to this album it's great.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6Ue0QG8dxw
Okaybye. ;).

Cheers,

~Levyathan

Honestly

I must admit; if you'd told me on sunday morning that by the second night of the introduction, I'd be having two reasonably hot guys sleep over in my not-huge room, I'd have stood on a large, populated town square in my underwear along with but not restricted to aforementioned hot guys (also in their underwear), I'd have taken bites of a cucumber wedged between a guy's legs (what an experience that was), I'd have had some serious mouth-to-playing-card-to-mouth action with yet another reasonably hot guy (that was a really cool game, basically we had to pass along a playing card by sucking air into our mouth, creating a vacuum. Then we had to pass it to the next person by having them press their own mouth onto the other side, releasing the vacuum and having them create their own.) and I'd be writing this to you guys pleasantly buzzed after a long day and a couple of hours out, I probably wouldn't have believed you. 


~Levyathan

Listen

I know I keep saying I'll start up again and then a month passes with no posts. That's why I've decided that this time I'm not going to say there'll be more frequent updates.

In more important news, I'm writing this post from my new room in Nijmegen, a 1.5 hour's drive away from home. Yesterday I moved, and it was hell because the weather is horribly warm and just basically unsuited for anything but lazing around.
Which makes it a little annoying that from today until next Sunday, I will be participating in my university's Introduction Week. It's going to involve a lot of roaming around the city and activities and whatnot. I've actually got this whole schedule thingie but I haven't even read all of it yet, I will just prepare for it day by day, I guess.

Either way, I'm really excited, although it was weird to wave goodbye to my parents last night, knowing I wouldn't be seeing them for two weeks because I'm now technically living somewhere else. It's two weeks instead of one because the day after the introduction week (which ends in a weeked camping experience that's supposed to leave you dead tired) I have to be at the uni at 09:00 for a remedial course of maths. I'm not quite sure I need it, because I can mostly follow maths pretty well, but it's free and I did have a 6/10 on my end list... Anyway, it's better to do this extra thing and have it turn out I don't really need it than be stubborn and not do it and have it turn out I do need it.
Also it's a lot easier to ask the professors for help in the future if I grab onto this opportunity to show that I'm willing to work to be better. It would be quite audacious to refuse this offer of help because "I don't need it" and then come crawling back when it turns out I did. That's not gonna warm anyone towards me. x'D.

This does mean that while I've got a friend now who's coming over to my place here so we can head to uni together to sign up, she probably won't be here next week, since she basically aced maths.
However, it's probably not so bad, because the introduction is mostly meant to get us to meet other people and make friends, as well as to become familiar with the city.

I'm pretty stoked, but also kind of hesitant. Let's hope it's gonna be great. :'D.


See you when I see you,

~Levyathan

VACATION

Vacation need a little sun to break up all the frustration and turn it into love
Ain't nobody gonna tell us what we're gonna do because today it's up to me and you
~
Vacation's where I wanna be, party on the beach where the fun is free
We don't need a holiday to start to celebrate
('Cause I need a break, I need a vacation)


Alright sorry.
If anyone can tell me what song those lyrics are from, they've had a good childhood.

Basically I put this there to signify something awesome: I've worked myself half to death the last couple of weeks, but from today forth I have three weeks of hard-earned vacation. God I'm so glad.

Okay, so I've been through some MAJOR DEVELOPMENTS. Although I wonder whether you guys even care anymore, considering I've been gone for a month and a day, AGAIN.

Basic breakdown: I got the room in Uni Town, will be moving there in a couple of weeks. I also rounded off the application procedure the University has got (i.e. filled in the financial details, sent a picture of me to be put on my Student ID, applied for a student card for public transport (basically they give you free travel in either the week-ends or during the week, and you choose depending on whether you'll be traveling back and forth everyday or you've got a room there and will mostly only go back in the week-ends.)) and signed up for the introduction week. It sounds pretty cool. It's gonna be full of interesting activities to get to know each other better. We're also gonna be going to a lot of bars, but we'll see if I even find that interesting.

Also, my parents got me a graduation gift: a 32' Full HD LCD TV. IT IS SO FUCKING PRETTY I CAN'T EVEN. Actually there was a bit of a hassle with that because they got it off a Plasma Discounter, where they had it lying somewhere in the basement. It had been a demo model. It was incredibly cheap. Only downside was, they'd put the wrong part in the box they gave us. The piece that was supposed to fit into a slot on the back of the TV and be attached to the stand so that it could be set up was wrong. We emailed them about it and they were going to order the part we needed and send it to us. So about a week ago (maybe a little longer) the new part came and I was so excited - only to find that this one didn't fit either.


Now, the right part came in the day before yesterday, and I have to say the TV is glorious. I connected it with an HDMI cable to my PS3 and watched the intro movie for FFXIII. HEAVEN.


But now I'm going to leave it there on my drawer and I'll leave this house behind for a day or four, because in about an hour I'll be going to Fang's. We are gonna watch Blood+ and it will be epic.

Writing troubles

So apparently I wasn't back for long, since it's been 15 days since my last post. However, SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED in the meantime!

Firstly, my job has been sucking up a lot of my time. I've seriously spent ~25 hours a week working my ass off. It's gonna pay off though. It's quite alright though, working the register can be repetitive and tiresome, but most customers are open to small talk if you're friendly, and that helps the time pass. Also my colleagues are great and we can joke around all the time. I'm not regretting the time spent working at all.

Secondly, I got my results and guess what. I GRADUATED. I didn't even have to retake an exam. I could've, in order to improve my grade, but I didn't think it was worth it since I can get into the study I applied for as long as I graduate. My graduation ceremony is next week Thursday, and after that I'm officially free of my school. It's a weird thought.

I've actually also made a big step towards a new life: I may have gotten myself a room to rent during my time in University. I've made arrangements to come check it out Sunday night, so that's gonna be super interesting. It's kind of scary, but I'm really glad I seem to have found something decent way before uni season starts in September.

But apart from all that, most important of all, I've been doing something majorly creative. For the first time in my life, I am in the beginnings of trying my hand at writing a story of fiction. I am really excited for it, even though it is so hard to think of decent ideas and I don't have any experience. I've got three great friends who are in the same situation (well, sort of. They've all got at least some amount of experience writing stories) and we're able to relate to each other and give advice (even though I suck at giving advice - I'm sorry, Fang!). My ideas are generally thought to be good, but it's hard to work around all of the clichés. Also I'm just hoping I won't screw it up by fucking up on the storytelling aspect. We'll just have to see.

I might post parts of the story as it comes along, but I haven't even started writing yet and I think once I do it will be quite sporadic. I also don't want to rush myself with anything. I'll think about it.

Cheers!

~Levyathan.

I'm BACK.

Sooooo.

All my finals are over with, and I'll be getting the results next week Thursday. It'll probably be a grueling day, because we have this system in which the teachers phone the students in the afternoon, telling them whether or not they made it. Although I guess we're lucky for that, because there are also schools out there that handle a system in which the graduates aren't called at all, and you have to sit quivering beside your telephone for about four hours, hoping you don't get called.

I'm fairly confident I passed, but I never checked my answers when they were put on the internet. Because of this there is still some doubt within me, and I won't be breathing easy come Thursday. Either way, all that's left to do is wait and hope the phonecall will make me happy. (Phonecall is such a weird word. It really reminds me of Neo. x'D. "Or how about... I give you the finger. And you give me my phonecall". Excuse any errors in the quote, it's been quite a while since I've last seen The Matrix).

On another note entirely (nothing to do with the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases)(Damn this post with all my abstract references), I've got a new job. I've been working my ass off Monday and Tuesday. It was horrible, I'm no longer used to being productive for 5-8 hours straight. I´m pretty much booked for most of next week too. I'm going to be deadbeat in a sec. On the other hand, COME TO ME, SWEET MONEY. The added moneyz are a good thing, since I've gone shopping today and spent aroundabout 80 euros. >,>.

I can, however, be proud and say I now have fabric with which I shall make a beautiful plush of the glorious yet treacherous entity known as Senator Lemonsnout. It shall be grand. That is, assuming I can sew well enough to pull it off, even with the tutorial I got my paws on.

Pray for me, my minions.
...I mean. Friends. Or... something...


Ciao!~

~Levyathan.

Oh glub it.

I'm just gonna do it.

By now it's already been overdone (meaning I've seen Mark and Fang do it before me) but I'm tickled to try it as well. I wonder if I'm even gonna get to twenty. >,>.

So, here go twenty things addressed to anyone (well, specific people per statement) that I wouldn't be able or gutsy enough to actually tell them in real life.

I'll start by saying most of these don't apply to any of my followers, so there's less fun in that, but it will still be good to get them off my chest.

-

1. I'm sorry I feel like you're a lesser person than I am sometimes. I shouldn't. Then again at other times I just feel like I failed you.

2. Even though I love you and I've known you forever, at times I can hardly stand you.

3. I don't even know why I'm suddenly kind of clinging to you. I guess it has something to do with recently discovered (or maybe developed) shared interests? I just hope you don't mind.

4. I haven't known you long but the more we talk, the more I feel like we've got a lot in common.

5. You confuse me. Or maybe I confuse me.  I don't really think I like you like that anymore, but then again I don't really think I don't. I do still think you're cute. :').

6. Sometimes I really hate you. But then, I can never stay mad at you for long. Which is a good thing. We've been in this cycle of conflict and peace for years, I guess.

7. At times I really think you should stand up for yourself. Even against him. Aren't we at least as important as he is? Then again maybe you just agree with him.

8. I guess I'm sorry for reacting the way I did back then. I still don't agree with your behavior at all, but I guess I can understand the feeling of crippling insecurity and low self-esteem that behavior stemmed from.

9. No matter what I said and did, I'm really glad we're friends again.

10. You've changed. Grown up, I suppose. I don't like it. I was sad to see our friendship disintegrate into near-nothing in a couple of weeks, but now I just don't care much for you anymore. Maybe it's because I don't see you often enough.

11. I really wish you wouldn't unconsciously make me feel left out and less important. I also wish I could call you out on it without feeling like a whiny bitch with a 2000 page manual.

12. I love talking to you. I've never met you and that saddens me, but I love talking to you.

13. It's great that I can tell you anything and you'll try and cheer me up and rationalize my problems, even if I feel a little stupid for complaining so much.

14. I know the plans we made, but if I really think about it I don't think I want to be tethered to you so strongly for such a long time.

15. I don't believe you when you say you think I'm prettier than you are.

16. We used to be pretty good friends but now all I generally think when I look at you is 'ew'.

17. It's really sad to see you so down in the dumps so often. Also it makes me feel like a huge jerk for complaining to you. Then again, that's how our friendship started.

18. I'm scared I'll lose you. You may say we can stay in touch and I hope we do but I'm just afraid it'll dwindle away into nothing over time.

19. You are an amazing person and I wish you lived closer.

20. I liked you for the entirety of primary school. Isn't that funny?

-

That was easier than I expected. Like I said, most of these are for people most of you don't even know, but it's a good feeling to put them somewhere. The last one is a hypothetical one that I could use to start a conversation but won't ever because of AWKWARD. I just wanted a light one to break the train of insecurity and general depression.


You're welcome to guess for your ones, even though only three of you are actually in there and those should be pretty obvious. :'D.


~Levyathan

So whaddayaknow

I'm still alive after all!

I've been on a sort of hiatus for a while. Well, technically speaking, looking at my previous update schedule it's probably not as bad as it feels, but with the A-Z Challenge being still so close, I think I feel a sort of  obligation to post really often? Meh, it's obviously not strong enough to MAKE me post every day, but it's there. I know because I feel bad about not posting, even though I don't really have anything to say and my school finals have been draining any and all urges to do anything. It might have had something to do with the first two finals I took leaving me with a bad feeling about my grades, because yesterday I took the third one out of seven (I've had Dutch, maths, yesterday was physics and I've still got biology, English, chemistry and French left) and I basically breezed through it, and now I once again feel up to blogging. Now, don't get me wrong, I've still probably answered a couple of really stupid things, but all in all it went really well. I'm really relieved, because I was beginning to think I am actually stupid and unable to do well in finals.

On another note, I've just wasted about twenty-five years of my life trying to get the huge fucking parasol we have in the garden to actually do its job. I don't even know why that thing is so huge. In fact I don't even remember it ever being that huge. Maybe it grew. So I'm sitting here in the shade, but all the daylight is still enough to murk up the screen of my laptop pretty badly. It's inconvenient, but being outside is probably good for me. Back to the point, in the last couple of days been a real turnabout in weather here in the Netherlands. By which I mean it is UNBEARABLY FUCKING HOT and I'm only barely surviving. Don't worry, though, I complain about the heat really quickly. Most people would probably be relieved it's finally getting warmer.. I am too, but really? It could be toned down a little if you ask me, at least until the water on the beach is warm enough and I've got loads of free time. THEN I'll welcome this. It'll be heavenly.

That is, if I feel confident enough to actually go swimming with friends. >,>. I'm not exactly the skinniest girl out there and I hate wearing bikinis. Bathing suits are even worse, but that's got nothing to do with my figure. They're basically hell spawn all on their own. :').

But let me not get ahead of myself, first I'll have to make it through my finals. Sigh.

Tomorrow's biology and I'm really not worried about it, but I best go plow through my books in search of tidbits I've forgotten over the years.

I'm fairly sure I'll get back to you guys within more reasonable a time frame than last time :'D.

Enjoy your day, everyone. :).


~Levyathan

Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Shit kill me now it seems I've started using dodgy Slaughterhouse V quotes as post titles. The end is nigh. Nigh, I tell you.

But really, everything went much better than expected. :'D. I got out of the A-Z Challenge with most of my dignity intact, and the first half week of study leave (for lack of a better word, basically it's just a two-week period before the finals start in which we're not expected to be at school) hasn't managed to kill me yet.

I feel kind of unlucky though. Because I'm doing the International Baccalaureate program (which'll get me an official diploma stating I'm a near-native English speaker (profit ensues), so I guess I can suffer the fact that) I have to do two additional exams, both of which have been planned DURING my two week's leave. >,>. Joy.

The first one was today. I had to write a comparative commentary (basically compare and contrast two different texts on things such as tone, theme, stylistic devices, purpose, etc). I'd been dreading this exam, because whenever I tried to practice for it I ended up drawing a blank and staring at an empty page for about an hour and a half before giving up.
I guess, though, that Lady Luck's been keeping an eye out for me, because I came away from that test with a HUGE cramp in my hand - but also with the feeling I'd pretty much aced it. Go me! :'D.

So now I'm over at Fang's place and we've been totally fucking up our time (Well not really it's pretty awesome just I don't think school would've given us two weeks off if they knew all we'd do with the time was watch anime x'D). It's really fun and awesome and we should totally do it again, nudge nudge. :').


Bahabhbhbhahabhhahbv. Ah. Yeah. For those of you that have been here since the beginning (basically: Mark); I finally beat LoZ: Ocarina of Time yesterday. It was glorious. And now I'm trying to devise a way to get my paws on Majora's Mask.

Just a few more weeks and I'll have oodles of time. :'D.

Also surprise periods suck. x'D.


~Levyathan.

Z: Zelfvertrouwen

Meaning self-confidence.
For me, personally, self-confidence is a fickle and fluctuating thing. What I see and think when I look into the mirror heavily depends on the moment, as well as whom I may or may not be standing next to. It's kind of funny how the same image can look so completely different depending on one's mood and feelings when presented with it.

I tend to be more critical of things I do. I say 'more' as opposed to the sometimes pretty damn positive view I have of my reflection. I tend to be disappointed by anything I accomplish because for some reason I have delusions of grandeur even though the image I have of myself is not always that great. I can sing and draw reasonably well, and my academic accomplishments are pretty okay, but I'm always expecting more of myself.
Which makes it really annoying when people go all overboard and start telling me to sign up for talents shows and stuff even though I'm really not that good. Actually, I would kind of like to try that sort of thing, but the fact that there's little to no chance I'd actually win anything makes me reconsider. I don't like to pale in comparison to other people, so I generally just shy away from competitive stuff. In fact, when I encounter someone who is significantly better than me, it just makes me lose all will to continue for a while.

I'm basically constantly comparing myself to others. Where anyone else watching The Big Bang Theory would be like "whoa, those guys are just too smart", I would be more likely to conclude I'm not smart enough. That's just this sort of kink in my brain, I guess. It's really more trouble than it's worth.

Sorry I just sort of went off on a tangent there, hope it wasn't too annoying. :').
On the other hand, you could've just stopped reading.


~Levyathan.

Y: Yakult

"the ~ (m) Milk drink for a healthy intestinal flora" (very roughly translated, my brain isn't really working).

WHY is this in the dictionary? It's a brand name. You don't find 'pepsi' or 'fanta' in the dictionary.

Yakult is apparently Japanese. It's a milk beverage containing probiotics, that's supposed to help improve your intestinal workings so that you don't feel bloated.

I still wonder, though. The fact that the brand name is representing the drink in my Dutch dictionary tells me that there is not really anything else like it. Probably, then, the drink was immediately heavily patented when it was first produced in 1935. On the other hand, I don't know how this works for the rest of the world, but in the Netherlands the patent rights are only applicable for 20 years. So I guess that still doesn't explain it?
I asked my parents and grandparents, who are all conveniently downstairs right now, but the best they came up with is that somebody may have gotten some money for that little trick. (Putting it in the dictionary, that is :'D).Also apparently there ARE non-'official' products like it. The plot thickens...

Any of you got an idea? :').


~Levyathan

X: Xylofoon

Which is, unsurprisingly, a xylophone. Basically it's the first word anyone thinks of when trying to name a word starting with an x. For those of you who don't know the instrument, it's a sort of frame on which are mounted wooden slabs or bars which, when struck with a mallet, produce musical notes. It has a distinct sort of chiming sound.

It's a pretty common kiddies' instrument because it's not very hard to make it produce sound and it's not that easily broken. For children they generally come in all kinds of colors.

W: Wensput

A wishing well. Basically it's a type of well often found in stories. People are desperate in some way and they say their wish out loud while near it and POOF. The wish comes true and they live happily ever after, yadda yadda yadda.

I don't really think there's anyone out there who actually believes in these things, yet it has become common practice to throw a penny into any well or fountain we pass because it might make our dreams come true. What weird idea spawned that, anyway? Why do humans follow the particular superstition that throwing a coin into a man-made body of water might help them become successful in life? What kind of weird people are we to believe that?

Probably it's just the same thing as with most superstitions: we want to believe it, and so we do it to make ourselves feel better. Little harm in that.


~Levyathan

V: Vuurwerk

Because I like fireworks and they're pretty. I used to always light fireworks on new year's eve, ever since my parents allowed me. Before that I just got these kiddies' packages with confetti guns and such. 

Lately, though (the last two years, give or take), I don't really see the need to light fireworks anymore. Anyway, I'm talking about the small fry variety here, rather than the really pretty and colorful exploding rockets and such - they're way too expensive. 

It's just, I don't see the need to throw 200 firecrackers in a single evening (why do they even package them in such crazy quantities, anyway? >,>), nor can I find much enjoyment in standing around in the cold all night long. 

I still love the moment of midnight, though, when the entire sky lights up in color and it's hard to talk because of all the bangs. It just carries this irrevocable connotation of the start of a new year, end of the old one, now GO FORTH AND HUG AND KISS YOUR FAMILY and think about all the things you would ideally change about yourself or your surroundings (which you're never going to actually do anyway) and BE GLAD YOU LIVE TO SEE THIS HAPPY MOMENT. Or something equally dramatic. 

This thing here just did an about-face from fireworks to NYE. Oh well. It's the most obvious association, anyway. 

(I love that expression. About-face. Heh. :'D).

~Levyathan

U: Uurwerk

Literally translated to 'hour work', but it means about the same as clockwork. I love clockwork in all its steampunk-y glory. If you frequent places like deviantart, you've probably come across awesome steampunk timepieces and necklaces and whatnot. I adore clockwork. It gives off a kind of old-time shadiness that mystifies as well as attracts.

It also usually serves to remind me of the ingenuity of man. Someone, at some point in time, figured out that the best way to get a mechanical signal across a space was to fill said space with interlocking cogs and gears. What's most intriguing about that is that this very same deceptively simple method still has its proper place in the contemporary world. We still make mechanical clocks. We may not use them exclusively anymore, but they're still there. Maybe that has something to do with the strange, overly romanticized view I have on such rudimentary mechanisms. It's like a tangible piece of the past.

On the other hand, maybe not.


~Levyathan

T: Tegeltjeswijsheid

Wisdom from a tile. I'm not sure whether that's actually a thing anywhere else than the Netherlands, but maybe we're just weird like that. :'D. Basically, it refers to the kind of inspirational quotes that can often be found on decorative tiles hanging - incidentally - mostly in bathrooms.

Whatever can be found on there, it's generally a cliché. Think the kind of proverbs and sayings that are embarrasing to actually utter because people will just start looking at you like "Really? x'D. Dude, no one actually SAYS that!"

For some reason, though, they become acceptable when put on a tile. Don't ask, I don't even know.

..Although it's still a matter of taste, of course. You'll never ever (or maybe I shouldn't say that too soon but still) find one in my house.

I'm just not that into clichés. :'D.


~Levyathan.

S: Sinterklaas

There is no actual English equivalent for this. It's a Dutch holiday, on December 5th, in which we celebrate the fact that a 300 year old man with a huge beard in a dress riding a white horse across rooftops and having black, curly-haired helpers puts presents in our shoes. 

That's what he looks like, along with his helpers, the 'Black Petes'. 

It's not quite as strange as it sounds, though. 

Or, well, you only really realize how strange it is when you try to explain it to someone who doesn't know about it. 

Basically, in the couple of days before December the 5th, you put your empty shoe in front of the fireplace if you've got one, or anywhere really, and you sing appropriate songs. Then you go to bed, and when you return to your shoe in the morning, there's a present in there for you. Then on the Big Day itself, even more presents are given! It's a kid's dream. 

People say Sinterklaas - or, properly, Saint Nicholas - is actually the original Santa Clause. Most Dutch children do not believe in Santa Clause, although we do celebrate Christmas with presents. I guess we just get doubly lucky.

R: Ridderlijkheid

Chivalry.

Because it's at least a little dead. I don't, however, think it's completely gone. There's still a lot of guys out there who treat women like they're precious little dolls who should not be opening doors for themselves or having to follow after men.

Importantly, I believe mostly women are to blame for killing chivalry. The whole feminist mindset of not wanting to be patronized by the menfolk has driven men to stop doing things like holding doors. It's only logical, really.

As you might have picked up from the overall tone, I personally scoff when people try to be chivalrous. The whole 'women first' thing is kind of useless, in my opinion. Not so much because I'm a convinced feminist - which I'm pretty sure I'm not - but because I think it's bull for guys to have to do things for me because I'm a girl. It's not like I'm too frail to open my own doors, nor like I'm too pure or whatever to be expected to do it.

But yeah, I know a couple of guys who think chivalry is still important in this day and age. It can be kind of wearying, but it's kind of great to know they have such respect for girls. :').


~ Levyathan

Q: Quetzalcoatl

I'm breaking two rules here. First, I'd decided to blog about Dutch words starting with the letters of the alphabet. Quetzalcoatl is not a Dutch word. Thing is, there are no Dutch words starting with 'q' that aren't derived from either Latin or French. Most of those words are exactly the same as their English counterparts, and none of them are particularly exciting to write about.
Second, I was supposed to post this yesterday, but I simply forgot. Therefore you get two consecutive posts from me today, isn't it EXCITING? x'D.

Anyway, since all this horrible stuff happened, I decided I wanted to write about something really cool.

This is my definition of really cool.

It is, unsurprisingly, Quetzalcoatl. In fact, until ten minutes ago, I had no idea what Quetzalcoatl was, but the name has been at the back of my mind for a while now. I wonder how that works, since I didn't even have an 'oh yeah that's what it was' moment when I found out the truth. But I digress.

Wikipedia tells me that Quetzalcoatl is a Mesoamerican god, "related to the gods of the wind, of Venus, of the dawn, of merchants and of arts, crafts and knowledge", according to the Aztecs. They were not the only ones to worship him, though. Many of the Mesoamerican peoples did.

It's name comes from the Nahuatl language and more or less means "feathered serpent". Hence the look. As I said before, IT'S REALLY COOL.

There you go, some more tidbits of random knowledge for you. :'D.


~Levyathan.

P: Patience

No, it's not what you think. The Dutch word for patience is 'geduld'. We use this word, patience - pronounced the French way - for a game that is in English called Solitaire.

I'm assuming, here, that everyone knows this game. It is quite addictive. A lot more so than I would initially have expected. It's horrible, once I start playing I never stop. Or, well, I obviously do, but only with great reluctance. It's like there's this constant urge to complete one more game.

I don't know what that stems from, considering the game itself is pretty simplistic..
I guess I can just be easily amused. :'D.


~Levyathan

O: Overeenkomsten

Similarities. Notably in languages.

At the start of this month, when I was trying to decide on subjects to go with all the letters of the alphabet, the first one I came up with was this one. I'd been pondering something, and while comparing some random things, I struck upon the similarities in words. Now, I don't even mean the way the Dutch 'respectabel' means the exact same thing as the English 'respectable'.

What I mean is, I was thinking of words that have multiple meanings. Like the Dutch word for couch, 'bank', is the same word we use for, well, a bank. With money. Those words have different meanings in different languages, presumably because the use of the word has evolved differently.

But then I started thinking about random words to figure out if that is always the case, and I stumbled upon this little beauty. You see, the word 'oplossing' means 'solution'. But the word solution has two different meanings. It can be the unraveling, and therefore solving, of a problem, or a fluid that contains dissolved solids. The awesome thing is that in Dutch the word 'oplossing' has the exact same two meanings.

Now, this could be purely coincidental, but it makes me wonder whether there is some inherent connection between the two things. I suppose it has to do with the breaking apart of something, like deconstruction of a problem by pondering it and finding the answer, or the deconstruction of a solid by the molecular attraction differences that occur when it is dumped into a liquid.

Or something. :'D.


~Levyathan

N: Nieuwsgierigheid

Curiosity. Best known for killing the cat.

It's such a sad thing, for words to have such dreadful connotations. I weep to think - okay nevermind. Really though, people tend to be curious. It's not always a good thing to be curious. There are some things that should stay secrets, and other things that shouldn't necessarily, but people can be far too nosy for their own good. It's a good thing to be curious, but it's even more of a virtue to be able to keep said curiosity at bay when it is uncalled for. Many a good relationship has seen an untimely end because someone could not keep their nose out of someone else's business. Advice of the day: Be curious, but always be vigilant. x'D.


~Levyathan

M: Mededogen

Also known as mercy. Sorry to say I won't really be talking about that. You see, when I was thinking of this word, it struck me that, while the positive form of the word is 'mededogen', the negative version (merciless) is 'meedogenloos'. Somewhere along the way, we lost the 'd'. This happens with more words, it is in fact quite a common occurrence. When, in olden times, the right Dutch word for leather would've been 'leder', today almost everyone uses the word 'leer'. The meaning hasn't changed.

This is not always the case, however. When we examine the affiliations of the word 'teder' (which is basically tender) we think of tenderly saying something, caressing someone. The other form of the word, 'teer', which should technically mean the same thing, is a lot more associated with 'fragile'; as in, a form of physical or psychological weakness rather than a feeling of emotional 'softness' towards someone.

I just found it really cool when I started thinking about it. :'D.


~Levyathan

L: Liefde

Ah, love. Quite possibly the most obvious choice when discussing a random topic starting with the letter 'L'.

Love can be quite a broad subject, depending almost entirely on one's definition of the term. The words "I love you" are said too often, yet not often enough, as they say. Real love is hard to come by, and people tend to overreact when they like someone, hence the words being said 'too often'. On the other hand, there could be a lot more love in this world.

(Disclaimer: The things I do or do not say in this post about love are mostly derived from observing others. Basically, I have little to no first-hand experience of what I'm talking about here.)

Now, there are different types of love, in different orders of gravity. ('Gravity'. I'm making this sound so... grave. x'D)

The types of love most important to me as a person are familial love, and love shared between friends. I like all of my friends, obviously, but there are only a few I'd say I really love. And even though my family is made up of individuals I'd probably steer clear of in any other situation, I really do love them.

...I'll spare you the sob-story that is my dysfunctional and mostly one-sided relationship with romantic love. :/.

I can only say I hope that love, and it's applicability to me as a person, will evolve and grow with the years, and that I may be open to it when it is ready to come to me. (So poetic. :'D).


~Levyathan

K: Kleinzerigheid

My dictionary tells me this is accurately translated into over-sensitiveness. I'm not quite sure if the implications included with that word are quite what I was going for, but it'll have to do.

Rather than emotional pain and sensitivity, I want to discuss something that happens with physical pain. You see, some people are actually more sensitive to small hurts than to big ones. My sister, when she was younger, used to raise hell if she got a scrape, but if she got more seriously hurt she'd be all calm about it.

It's also observed when a papercut, which is generally not a very large cut, hurts like a bitch, while you can cut yourself while doing something (like working in the garden or whatever) and not notice at all until you see it bleeding.
That's also quite an interesting phenomenon, incidentally. For some reason, injuries tend to hurt more when they look bad. It's almost as if the visual stimulus adds to the experience of pain. Maybe that's actually a true thing, I wouldn't know. I wonder though, if that were the case, it would probably have a purpose that might aid in our survival... but I can't think of a logical reason for it.

What about you guys? Are you over-sensitive?


~Levyathan

J: Jaloezie

Hey, Jealousy.

Ever had a visit from the green-eyed monster? I'll bet you have. Everyone has. Some people are more susceptible to jealousy than others, the same way people differ in music tastes and hair colors. Well, maybe not necessarily hair color, because that's easily modified and you don't change the foundations of your character quite that easily, but I digress.

Jealousy comes in many varieties, and when it's slight and easily controllable it's generally harmless, but it can deal a lot of damage to relationships, because generally a jealous boyfriend or girlfriend is seen as having a lack of faith in the relationship and partner, even though jealousy is a quite natural reaction to have when you feel as if something that is 'yours' in some way is in danger of being taken away from you.

It's really quite an illogical thing, the way people react to jealousy.


~Levyathan

I: Ik-zucht

Which is, according to my dictionary, a legitimate Dutch word for egoism. Who would've thought. (The general Dutch term for egoism is, well, egoisme).

Egoism, I think, is good in moderation. Too selfish is never a good thing, but neither is utter selflessness, generally. It's good to be humble and to respect others, but deferring to others in everything you do and never standing up for yourself can be quite detrimental to your perception of yourself and other people's perception of you. Even if it is meant in a good way, you can hurt others by disregarding your own well-being in favor of others'.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it is good to maintain a balance between giving and taking, between caring for yourself and for others. Sometimes that is easier said than done, though.


~Levyathan

H: Hiernamaals

The afterlife. There are so many different perceptions of it, and there is no way to tell what is or isn't real. It adds a sense of mystery: you'll only know what's to come once your life is over, everything before that point is mere speculation.

I personally don't really know if I believe in an afterlife. I guess I'd quite like to, but the mechanics of such a place always bother me. Namely: Is it another life, from birth to death, like an endless cycle? Is it a sort of paradise in which one can life in peace forever and be happy with all of their dead loved ones?

The second possibility in particular always makes me wonder. How do you appear in such a world? The way you see yourself? The way others see you? In case of the latter, you'd have no actual corporeal form, but I guess that wouldn't be all that strange in context. Or rather, if you appear the way you were in life, what point in your lifetime does your appearance base itself on? Is it what you looked like when you died? Because that would, for many people, not exactly be optimal. How can everyone you love be in the same place with you and everyone they love and everyone all those people love, etc? (Like in Titanic. She'd grown old and had a husband and a child and then she died and in the afterlife she looked the way she did when she was with Jack, and that was who she met in that place. How does that work, logically? Was her husband left alone in there, knowing then that his wife didn't even love him enough to have him be one of the loved ones she had the chance to meet again? How sad is that?) Is nobody actually there, is everything just a figment of memory or imagination?

I always ask myself these questions when faced with the possibility of an afterlife. Maybe that's why I'm not sure I can really believe in it; I tend to want to know how things work before blindly accepting them...

I'm interested in knowing other people's views on the subject. ;).


~Levyathan

G: Geheim

Shh! It's a secret!

Lots of people have secrets, some more heavy than others.

Most people only have small secrets, like guilty pleasures or who they like. The fun thing with secrets is that they disappear the moment they become known. It's actually quite interesting to think about it that way; even if someone learns your secrets, at the same time they don't, because they're not actually secrets anymore. It's one of the very few known concepts that work that way.

I personally only have small, insignificant secrets. I don't even like anyone at the moment!

Although obviously I could be lying, keeping the fact that I have significant secrets a secret!~ Secretception.
Such fun.


~Levyathan

F: Fiets

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike~


One of the things the Netherlands are apparently most famous for (aside from legal weed) is the abundance of bicycles. Here, it is unthinkable that anyone might not own a bicycle. Kids cycle to and from school everyday (unless, like me, they are lazy and make do with public transport), and really anywhere else they need to go that is within reasonable cycling distance. In primary school, we had to pass a 'traffic test', which consisted of a route we had to cycle, with teachers at different points checking whether we were adhering to all the traffic rules that come with cycling. These include but are not limited to sticking out your arm in the direction you're going to turn when at intersections. Nobody does this in practice, generally. The only time I do is when there is a car coming toward me, since I prefer not to get squashed to an early death, and when there's police in the vicinity. But I digress. The fact that such a test is mandatory goes to show that it's assumed everybody owns a bicycle, even at such a 'young' age.

Then again, according to Katie Melua, there are also a lot of bicycles in Beijing. (Oh god make it stop I HATE that song).

I guess it depends on how you look at it. ("Look at what?", you ask? I haven't a clue).


~Levyathan.

E: Eerlijkheid

Honesty. It lasts longest, according to the Dutch proverb. (Is there a comparable English one? I'm not sure).

In advertising, though, that sentiment is no longer one that is oft adhered to. Advertisers forego honesty in favor of pretty lies, all in order to sell, sell, sell. (And, y'know, possibly sell some more).

It's sad, because when real, honest-to-goodness fair trade products manage to make the market, they are generally still quite a bit more expensive than your regular little-Asian-children-in-cramped-factories-produced goods. The truth of the matter is that the products may be honest, but when it comes down to it, today's society is collectively more worried about wallets (and especially their contents) than about little Asian children.

Sadly, the fact that honest products are more expensive means that people only buy them when they are both conscious of their position in this world and unafraid to spend a penny more.

Anyway, it's far easier to sell products with a nice-sounding if slightly exaggerated pitch than it is to actually pay attention - and money! - to make sure the product does what is says on the tin and is produced under fair working conditions.

It's no wonder, really.


~Levyathan.

D: De

Or: "On the subject of articles".
(Articles? Really? Seems a bit strange of a word to indicate 'the' or 'a(n)'. My translator tells me it is so, however).

One of the major problems most foreign people encounter when learning the Dutch language has to do with our articles. You see, we have 'een', which is the same as the English 'a(n)'. Nothing much of an issue there. It starts getting problematic when we get to 'the'. You see, in Dutch, we have two different words for this. It can be indicated by either the word 'de' or 'het'. There is no clear distinction I'm aware of that indicates what to use when, and even natives sometimes have to guess at which to use when we come across words that are utterly unfamiliar to us. On the whole, though, either Dutch people have some sort of born affinity for recognizing which to use when or it's just been hammered into our subconcious from a young age. In short, one of the surefire ways to recognize a foreigner is to pay attention to what articles they use for what words. Apart from the often quite obvious accent, of course.

With a lot of other grammatical distinctions in our language (not for the articles - thank god) that are for whatever reason hazy to most natives - Really guys? They're perfectly clear to me! - it seems that the preferred way to get rid of the problems is to simply renounce the rules concerning them. I am strongly against this. It might have something to do with the fact that I'm one of those people who actually talks with grammatical correctness on a daily basis, but I just don't like the idea of our language being subject to 'dumbing down' simply because our natives can't be bothered to remember whether to use 'dan' or 'als'. It would basically be an incentive to stop caring about what you're saying - not the best solution in any situation.


~Levyathan.

C: Capuchon

If only because it's one of the only words in Dutch starting with 'C' that isn't basically the same as its English counterpart.

Capuchon. For those of you not in the know (which is basically everyone, I'm aware), it means hood.

As in, the awesome, handy dandy piece of cloth most badasses (and not-so-badasses) use to obscure their eyes to give themselves an air of mystery and intrigue. Made even more awesome if connected to a cape or a cloak.

Like I said, there are, on the whole, two main types of people to be observed wearing hoods.
[Warning: the following distinction is mostly made for comical effect, please do not take offense ;)]

Presenting The Badass:

Look at that awesome face. Look at it and bask in its glory.

Presenting The Not-So-Badass:

 BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Okay, sorry. I was actually gonna give you guys a completely different picture, but it seems I'm somehow incapable of finding a picture of a douchebag wannabe gangster in a hood and I perceived this to be at least 100% funnier. You'll have to excuse me.

Have a nice Tuesday, everyone!


~Levyathan

B: Beleefdheid

Which, for everyone's information, means 'Politeness'.

Because - excuse me for sounding like an old lady - I feel like it's something today's youth could really use an extra helping of.

It's actually really bad how many teenagers think they're all that and feel like they don't have to respect their elders. Most notably, you see this at schools. Now, while I may or may not be somewhat of a stickler for the rules anyway, I can get really annoyed when people in my classes basically lack any form of respect for the teachers. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you should respect a teacher who is either simply a really BAD teacher or who doesn't respect you. I do however think that you should be at least cordial to figures of authority, especially before they've had the chance to prove whether they're going to earn it.
It gives a really bad starting point if you just sort of disrespect teachers before they've had so much as the chance to open their mouths.
But really, even if you've had them for a while, that's no reason for you to start talking to them as if they are your dog or your idiot little brother. I can at times be really embarrassed for the classes I'm in.

Even more poignant, we're watching this movie in French class about a school in France (shocker!), where the students talk to the teachers as if they're talking amongst themselves. They're constantly demanding outrageous things and because it's a whole class full of these troublemakers, the teacher is basically powerless against them. It's really disrespectful and it almost hurts to watch it, it irritates me to no end.


Okay, looking back at this thing, this sounds kind of pretentious and goody-two-shoes. It's not that I'm always super-respectful when talking to adults, but I don't let it get too far out of hand. Don't get me wrong - I scoff at my father too when I'm saying something a bit too colloquially degrading and he's all like "I didn't go to school with you! Respect your elders!", but I do think there is a line that shouldn't in good conscience be crossed.

Not sure if this made any sense... Be sure to tell me if you think differently, and especially why you think this is the case.


Peace out!

~Levyathan

A: Angst

Which is not that depression thing particularly teenagers tend to experience.
It's actually the Dutch word for fear.

Now, there are many forms of fear. There are also many irrational fears that only make sense to the ones they concern. Also, words for fears are not always very logical. Take 'hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia', being the fear of long words. Not very logical at all. "Really, you've got a phobia? Tell me about it." "Well, see, I'm afraid of long words." "Oh, you mean you have hippopotomonstroses-" "AAAAAAGHHHHH!!".

But really, fear is all around us. There are people who are deathly afraid of peanut butter. It happens!

Apart from the strange and often trivial fears of generic objects, though, there are also for example people who can't be in deep water, even while they can swim. I have a bit of this, I think. I dislike being in very deep lakes or the sea because it makes me uncomfortable to think about all the things beneath me that I can't see.

But really, the thing I personally am the most afraid of is time. Time, which just keeps passing and is unshakably determined. You never get it back. You just keep getting older and older and being in worse and worse condition while having fewer and fewer prospects for your future - which, incidentally, gets shorter and shorter - until eventually you die.
I'm also afraid of being trivial. I don't like to think I'll spend my life in this small town, working for some nameless company and never making a difference in the world. I don't understand people who choose to live that way. Like my parents. On the other hand, I can't really say what should be wrong with that. There are so many people on the world nobody has heard of. It's inevitable, and I shouldn't expect to be 'better' than that. In fact, I'm not sure I would want to. I don't really think the life of a celebrity is one I would ever choose for myself.. too little freedom, too much forced socialization. It's not for me.

I guess that's the most annoying thing about fear. Even when you realize it's unfounded and meaningless, that doesn't make it any less potent or real.


~Levyathan

The Hussman needs to update.

Well, obviously he doesn't actually NEED to do anything, and we are but his lowly servants and followers who can do naught but listen to the Word of God and pray desperately for updates, but I'm not used to having to wait yet and it doesn't sit well with me.  *FirstWorldProblem*

So, today marks the start of the test week. Or actually, the Test Week. It is, if everything goes well, our last test week in this school. There's a wake-up call if ever there was one. I don't like the idea of having to leave and make new friends, but even more importantly I don't like the idea of losing contact with the friends I have now. >:'[. Like, at all.

But back to the Test Week, today we had the Physics test (Oh mechanics, why are you so determined to continue to elude me? D:) and the Biology practical. Biology was a piece of cake, but like I just implied, Physics and I are not lining up for a Moirallegiance. >,>.

On tomorrow's schedule there's French (formal letter writing, and my teacher is a huge hag) and my Dutch oral (yeah, yeah). I read all the books, but I've no clue what kind of questions she's going to ask so I can only hope I'm prepared. Le sigh.

((I always fucking misspell tomorrow. For some reason I always write tommorow and have to go back and change it. >,>..))


Uh huh. Well, I've already got some semi-content shit scheduled for Sunday, so I don't have to worry about the  A-post, but I've yet to write any of the other ones. They will come to me when they are ready to.


~Levyathan

That was an awesome party :'D.

It seemed like everybody genuinely enjoyed themselves, too. :').

I loved it, I have the awesomest friends ever. Also I'm a rich girl now, and Fang gave me the coolest (gettit? x'D) birthday-card-that-was-actually-a-letter I've ever gotten ;).

We should totes do this again sometimes. Like, after the finals are done with, in May. *Parrrtyyy* Assuming we all make it, that is. :/.

But we definitely will! 'Cause we're all awesome!!


..In case anyone is wondering whether there was an actual point to this post, there sort of is.
See, I'm gonna be participating in the April A-Z Blogging Challenge, and for lack of inspiration on topics, I've decided to pick random words in Dutch starting with the letters A-Z and center my posts somehow around those words. That way, you all can learn some random Dutch words! Isn't it exciting?!

Not really, probably, nor is it - just as probably - going to make for very inspirational blogging, but It'll have to do. Possibly until I figure out something more interesting. ;D.


I'm being very tired right now and 8LUH, so I'm getting out of here.




~Levyathan

Ohgodohgodohgodohgod whatdoIdoooo

I'm up to date on Homestuck.

Now, on the one hand, that's TOTALLY AWESOME NEWS. On the other hand, I've torn through years' worth of homestuck in a couple of weeks. I'm going to be experiencing some severe withdrawal symptoms. It'll be horrible.

It does mean that I will be able to scour the net for awesome fanworks without having to fear exposure to the Late Arrival Spoilers. :"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Yeah. I'm just kind of shaken right now because all this time it's seemed so endless and now all of a sudden there's no proceed button. Oh the humanity.

Ah.

On a totally different note, I'm probably going to be participating in the school talent show this year (as I did last year), but I'm having trouble deciding which song I want to sing for it.... Random suggestions are welcome, I guess? :'D.


Huh. Not much of interest anymore. I was going to say something else entirely but the catching up with Homestuck has hotwired my brain.

Hasta la bye bye!~



~Levyathan

Obstacle averted

So, as some of you might remember me mentioning... wait, I'm not actually sure if I mentioned it. Oh well, anyway, I had to do my Individual Oral Exam today. For the IB. It sucked. (The clipped tone the author uses here signifes a sort of annoyance or irritation, further emphasized by the use of very short sentences). Yeah. That shit.

It was worse, because there was no way to prepare for it. You go to pick up your literary fragment not knowing which one it is, get twenty minutes to prepare - analyze and annotate the fragment, as well as deciding on a structure for an eight-minute talk on the details of the fragment - and then you go sit your exam and have to actually present the information you gathered like a bitching ninja spy in an orderly, well-structured form, in which you have to mention the most striking and important things about the fragment with regards to tone, mood, stylistic devices, rhythm and rhyme (when analyzing a poem, as I was), yadda yadda yadda. Now, anyone who's read more than two of my posts should know that if it's anything my rambling lacks most of all, it's structure.

But, luckily, after my quite structurally-shaky and sort of in-depth eight minutes of talking about the poem, there were five minutes of discussion, and I find that with the right nudges I can be quite perceptive about the underlying meaning of these things. I'm not perfectly sure as to the exact grade I'll be getting for it, but I can confidently say I'd be surprised if it were insufficient. :'D.

So, with that out of the way, it becomes time to figure out exactly how I'm going to deal with having all of these idiots in my house saturday night. ;'D. I also still need to figure out where in the blazes I'm going to get enough cake. I might just cheap out and make a cheesecake. After all, I think they're super tasty and it's my party, right?


Talk to you guys again maybe tomorrow.

(Also, I love the conversations in the comments, they brought/bring a huge smile to my face <3.)


~Levyathan

Shooting for the rare and highly dangerous blogging x2 combo

Ehehehe, I haven't been updating two days in a row since my first few posts, if I recall correctly. Hope you guys don't scare yourself to death from my sudden enthusiasm ;'). Anyway, I've been thinking, and I've come to the conclusion that I'm kind of a strange person.

Okay, yeah, huge shocker for the people who know me already, but really. I'm lead to believe I'm completely atypical, and not always in a good way..

Most obviously, there's the fact that I'm not really all that mature. I mean, loads of people aren't very mature at my age, but I like to make detailed references to Disney Classics, random kids' movies, Pokémon and Winnie the Pooh in day-to-day conversation. I also tend to start talking/screaming very excitedly and animatedly when talking about miscellaneous things, which generally winds up with people looking at me weirdly. That's actually quite a fun thing to experience now and then. :'D. I can get super obsessed by books or series or anime or games or really ANYTHING, and I can't stop talking or bothering my friends about it.

Secondly, I'm quite the tomboy. I don't give a shit about skin creams, I don't clip my nails (instead I just let them grow until they break off), I have a total of 9 holes in my ears but hardly wear earrings (and when I do they mostly include miscellaneous pinned items, like safety pins and button pins), I don't wear makeup other than eyeliner, mascara and eye-shadow, and the latter I don't even wear very often, I halfway dress like a dude sometimes and I like reptiles and guns and cars and stuff. Also, I don't hesitate to voice my opinion on the hotness of (mostly animated x'D) females, even though I'm not attracted to girls in that way. I also hate shaving my legs, and I go most of winter with furry legs because I wear pants anyway and nobody cares. Maybe if I had a boyfriend, I would care about that, I don't know. x'D. Probably. Most of my close friends are guys, too, because I just get along with them better.

I'm quite the recluse. I don't go out often, don't go bar-hopping EVER, in fact I've never really been inside of a bar/pub/whatever. I don't know all that many people in the town I've lived in for 16 years now, rather I know people from school, most of whom live a couple of towns over. Hence, I never really make time and opportunity to hang out with my friends.

Maybe the most inherently scary of aspects of my strangeness is my curious lack of "the ability to give a fuck", for quote's sake. It's not actually that serious, it's more like a sort of apathy; I definitely do give a fuck about most things, but it kind of scares me when people are like "you know what I mean, when you really want something, you'd do anything for it", like it's a common thing. I've never before in my life wanted anything enough to care overmuch if it turned out I couldn't get it. I don't participate in giveaways and stuff because I don't actually think I'll ever get it anyway. I let awesome opportunities pass me by because I don't think it'll happen. If I weren't so DAMNED FUCKING APATHETIC about those things all the time, maybe I'd have an awesome life. As it is, I've only been to one concert, been to one convention, and have never really 'gone out' in the way most teenagers do.


Not to mention the horrible lack of a love life. But really, let's not mention that. :'D.

The problem with these things is that while they make up who I am, and I can say I am to some degree proud of (some of) them, at the same time there's always this nagging feeling at the back of my mind telling me to change, to subdue myself to normality so that I might have a chance at life. "I am so crazy weird, guys would have to have a crazy stupid particular taste to like me". "If I never go out, I'll never fucking meet anybody new". "Dude, that guy's got a LIFE. He's way out of my league. Do you KNOW how many girls he must know? Girls that are normal and girly and actually attractive..."


So goes the circle of my life.


^^.
I'm sorry for this surprise sadfest, I was just going to make a slightly humorous self-evaluation sort of thing, but it turns out my brain had other plans. Don't feel like going up and deleting and rewriting all of that, now. Probably again missed out on half the stuff I wanted to say, too. (Also, the blogging x2 combo has failed. It is now 00:02 where I live.


See you guys next time on a hopefully more cheerful note! :').

~Levyathan

Okay so it's been a really long time

And I apologize for that, if anyone actually cares. I've just been a little out of it, lately. Not feeling too great, either, although I don't think there's anything physically wrong with me. Not in the fever-area anyway, although recently I fell while at work and I caught my weight in my side, doing a sort of roll-thing over a banister. It hurt like a bitch for days, but you couldn't actually see any discoloration or bruising or anything. Anyway, a co-worker was all like "Oh no have you ruptured your spleen?" And I figured it didn't hurt enough to be anything cool like a ruptured spleen, but now I have these slightly nauseating pangs of pain a bit below the point I originally landed on and I'm starting to have my doubts. Or maybe it's just something like a bladder infection or whatevs, but there's something not right in there. I suppose I'll have to go to the doctor...

On a more cheerful note, this weekend I broke my habit of hermitage to go to the next town over and visit some friends. I was originally supposed to cycle the 12 kilometers there, but my mom didn't like me cycling on my own in the dark, so my dad ended up bringing me there by car, with my bike. We had a lot of fun, it was awesome, and apparently the guys liked it too because I got invitations/demands to come along more often (Yay!! :'D). Then Fang and I, in a slightly inebriated state, cycled to his house, which was where I crashed. Then in the morning (well, it was afternoon, technically) we listened to some very very cute recordings of a very young Fang :'D. And, of course, watched [S] Cascade. Twice, for good measure. Holy fucking hell. 8DD.
Then, I had to go home and cycle the 12 kilometers, and it wasn't pretty. I hardly ever cycle anymore, and it was cold and the wind was blowing and I had a huge MoThErFuCkInG headache... I was miserable. Booohooohooo I should really excersize more. >,>.

So, I have today off from school, and it's a miracle I got up before noon, but I have to try and force myself to spend today in a useful manner. Meaning, I have to do my homework and study for upcoming test week and my English Individual Oral Exam, which is going to be hell. You get an excerpt from one of a selection of three of the literary works we've studied (in this case being The White Tiger, 1984 or Carol Ann Duffy's poetry collection The World's Wife) with 20 minutes to annotate it and structure a talk about it that has to be around 8 minutes long. Then there's a 5-minute discussion about the fragment or the book. Now, it's not the discussion I'm worried about; unlike most of my classmates, I actually READ all the books. I'm just not very confident in my ability to rightly analyze the fragment and talk about it in a structured manner for eight long minutes. My teacher tells me I'm good at it, but I honestly think she just assumes that because I'm relatively good at everything else... Anyway, I have that oral on wednesday, so I've got today and tomorrow to freshen my memory on the books and the poetry. :'D.

As a side note: who else is looking forward to The Hunger Games? (Okay so this is kind of a moot point because I have two readers but meh). It comes into cinemas on wednesday, and I'm really excited. I read the first book when it came out and loved it, but took a few years to read the second and third books.. I still think the first one was the best, and that's obviously the one they are now releasing the movie of, so I can't wait. Funnily, neither can my mother. I made her read the books and she loves them as well. :'D.
The only thing I'm a little disappointed about is the casting, but when my mom asked me how I HAD envisioned the characters (because the cast fits with her expectations), I couldn't tell her. The funny thing is that in my head, characters look different as their character develops, and characteristics are always a little foggy. I can never really pinpoint what I think they look like.



Lastly, as a sort of I'm-sorry-I-was-away-so-long-and-anyway-this-thing-is-awesome, have this gratuitous picture of the Nekobasu:

Talk to y'all later!!

~Lev

Actual content this time... sort of ;).

So, I've been having ((- these... weird thoughts lately. Like, is any of this for real? Or not? -)) this idea for a very serious post and stuff, but I just haven't really had the inclination to actually write. First World Problem if ever I heard one. Also very blatant Kingdom Hearts reference ftw.

Anyway, the point is that lately I've been wondering about the fact that so many people coexist in the same flap of space while being privy to such different urges and beliefs and ideals. It should be the most normal thing in the world these days and I've always regarded it as such, but now something has shaken my worldview pretty heavily. What brought this on? Nothing much actually, but it hit me pretty hard. I found out that a good friend of mine is a Jehova's witness. THAT'S WEIRD, DUDE. Especially because I've never given her religious persuasions any thought, and I've never noticed anything. Now, I don't think any different of her for it, I'd never be that petty, but I got kind of curious. The revelation made me aware of my own ignorance on the subject.

((WARNING: The following paragraph contains my personal religious opinions, and while I don't think it's quite offensive, all beliefs differ and there might be something there you don't agree with. ))

Because of this, I've started asking her a lot of random questions, and frankly I'm just kind of shocked by some of her answers. Now, I've decided to simply not ask certain things, because I don't want to give her grief for what she has every right to believe and I don't want to come across as derogatory, but I can only handle so much perceived nonsense. There are some things which, if she believes them, I simply don't want to know. I realize that I do not have all the answers, nor do I want to, I guess, but I just can't get my head around certain things. I am a scientist at heart, and I like to believe I am more of a realist than a cynic, and therefore I find it hard to believe that someone, somewhere, holds all the ropes. Either way, those things I can deal with, but I wouldn't want to know if she believes that the earth is only a thousand years old, for instance. I don't know. CANNOT. COMPUTE. And then there are the gaps of logic in the story as I was told it that I asked into not to expose the things she believes in as fraudulent nonsense so much as just to try and figure out how it is that she explains them for herself. I mean, supposedly, when you die, there's nothing, but then at the end of the world there is this final day or moment of Reckoning and everyone is somehow sent to this sort of promised land? I, honestly, don't quite know what I believe, and I think there is quite a bit of comfort in the thought that after this life we'll end up in a sort of paradise, but all I can think of when I hear that is... "What? But then, what would happen to the person if they die before the reckoning?" No real answer to that, apparently they might just stop existing in the meantime or something. And I guess that might be the reason that I just can't bring myself to consider those things. The bible is a book that is very, very old, has been translated so many times that things are quite probable to be lost in translation, and that is not even taking into account the in my opinion questionable validity of the events described in the book. While I have no trouble believing there was once a man who may or may not have been called Jesus or Iesu or whatever variety of the name, I can only say that people have a way of dragging things way out of proportion. After all, in medieval times, innocent people were burned at the stake or thrown into the moat with a cinderblock tied to their feet because superstitious people thought they were witches even though everyone now knows that magic is FAKEY FAKEY FAKE. The problem with stuff like that is that there is no proof. Everyone can suppose and perceive all they want, but I doubt we will ever get the answer in this lifetime.

So yeah, there goes my totally sucky-ass explanation of my religious views. I am actually really curious what moves you guys, if you feel like telling me. <33. :'DD.



Now, on to more trivial matters (but not really):

HOMESTUCK. x'DDDD. I've been told I'm going way too fast and there might just be some truth in it, yet I can't seem to stop obsessing.
I am now well into the story of the Trolls (I laughed really hard when Karkat was writing all those memos nobody cares about, and ended up playing a sort of romance counselor like what x'D) and I am finding out that all of them, no matter how bitchy or awful of repugnant, are really awesome and often quite adorable in their own way. And while I know Troll romance is insanely complicated (x'D. Let's be a horrible author and recap the entire explanation, YEAH!) I am starting to find myself shipping ridiculous things already. :'D. Way to go! I feel almost like Nepeta <33.

But I have to go now and delve deep into the horribly complicated world of Physics D:.

Until next time, me lovelies.


~Levyathan

How can anyone be so relieved anyway? It doesn't even happen!

Most of the time.

So yeah, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A weight I kept forgetting to blog about, incidentally. Every time I felt like I needed to get it off my chest I'd be nowhere near a computer, and when I WAS near a computer, I'd have forgotten what it was I wanted to blog about. The thing is: my job has been kind of problematic lately. Not in any real sense, so much as I just wasn't on the schedule very often and that coupled with my general ineptitude when it comes to the work I do made me even more sucky at it. And I kept forgetting things, and having to ask other people for specifics (some of whom have been working there for a much shorter time than I have, but a lot more regularly) and subsequently getting scolded and rhetorically asked how long it was again that I've been working there (a bit more than a year, in case you were wondering). So that kind of got me down. Especially since I myself just felt like I was in the way more often than I was actually being useful, even if I know that's an exaggeration. So lately I've been thinking about that, and I'd decided that it would be better for me to quit this job (I work at a cafetaria/snack bar) and just apply for a job in one of the local supermarkets. Only problem was, I'm kind of terrified of the prospect of an awkward conversation, it's almost a kind of phobia. And I thought it would be worse if I just barged in there and asked if I could talk to my superior (who doesn't even work regular shifts so I wouldn't know if she'd even be there), so I sent her a text asking if we could talk for a bit somewhere in the near future. That went unanswered for two days, making me queasy every time someone texted me because I thought it might just be her. Then, this afternoon, she texted me with possible times we could talk, tonight being one of them, and I just figured "To hell with it". So I just went there, and I told her I was going to apply for another job and therefore it was quite possible I would be resigning in the near future, and she was all understanding and told me she'd basically expected this when I sent her the text asking to talk. So it all went really quickly and smoothly, I told her I'd work the shifts I was assigned this month and, if I don't have an answer by next week (when she'll be making the new schedule) I would work the next schedule too, no problem. :'DDDD. I was so happy, I was seriously a nervous wreck beforehand, was quivering on my legs. x'D.
And now I have to write a letter of application, which I've never done before... Oh well, my mom said she'd help. <33.


TL;DR:  I pseudo-quit my job in preparation for applying for another job, and all went well.

Now I feel it is time to grab myself some MAD SNACKS YO.
(Although I probably shouldn't, I've been hating the mirror again lately. Maybe not then. Still, this post needed a BRO reference >8'D.)

Ummm... yeah. That's really all I have to say on the matter. :').



Where doing it man
Where MAKING THIS HAPEN
...ironically 8D



~Lev

Why did I succumb?!

I know how easily obsessed I am. Dx. I should not have started actively reading/watching/playing/whatever anything new when I've got so much homework to do all the time but... I WARNED YOU ABOUT STAIRS BRO! I TOLD YOU DOG! IT KEEPS HAPPENING.

That kindof pretty accurately describes the situation, as well as addressing the exact issue. Damn you Fang. Damn you Homestuck. Damn you convoluted, insane plot that I'm grasping at in a desperate attempt to make sense of it. You have ruined my current hopes for academical perseverance. Yeah.

Bahahaahahaha, I'll keep it short and end this here; still got a LOT to work my way through. >,<. Just wanted to let you guys know what's up. And it's not the sky.


Smell ya later!

~Lev

All set for some celebration

Or, at least, I've just sent the invitations. :'D. I can only hope people will actually want to come x'D.

That's probably not really an issue. 8D. Either way, I was almost afraid I would have to call it off.

Seriously, since there'll probably be quite a number of people coming, I figured it would be best if my parents weren't at home when I celebrated my birthday. That's no problem, my parents have lately made it a habit to take weekends off every now and then. I also figured that my sister might not want to stick around because she might not get along very well with the rowdy bunch of idiots I call my friends. I told her as much, and mentioned a couple of things they might say in jest that she wouldn't like to hear, but she said she wouldn't mind staying upstairs all night if she had to, so no prob. :'D.

Then, I think about three days ago, I was going to send everyone an email to invite them to my party, and my mom was suddenly all "yeah, I'd wait with that if I were you, your dad wants to talk about that". OH GOD. Turns out, the things I'd mentioned to my sister alarmed my parents because they figured that if I couldn't keep them in line and they were that bad, my parents weren't really comfortable with all these people being in the house while they were away for four days. x'DD. Let's just say I'd exaggerated a little when warning my sister. Needless to say, I placated my mom and reassured her that all would be well, and the problem was solved. So now I've got a party planned at the end of March. :'DD.

Aside from that, we had a Dutch literature test (my first language, basically the test was about the history of Dutch literature and different genres and stuff) that I completely fucked up Dx. I hated that test, it was AWFUL. Everyone agreed with me, incidentally 8D.

Also, today I finished reading Amanda Hocking's novel Switched, the first in the Trylle trilogy. Which I started reading yesterday. It is a little out of hand with my reading obsession. Anyway, I loved it. It was really awesome, about a changeling (a child of the fair folk - in this case a Troll in a rather unconventional portrayal - that is switched for a human baby) called Wendy, who is found by the Tracker Finn and taken back to her real family. Finn is really really awesome, and there are (obviously, it IS a YA novel) romantic complications between him and Wendy, and I really just loved the whole story. Needless to say, when I finished reading, I was itching to get my hands on Torn and Ascend (part 2 and 3). BUT THEN. I read the first chapter of Torn that's included in the novel, and the teaser for Ascend, and I found out that.... *drum rolls* There is going to be a love triangle. Because of course, what is a story without a decent love triangle/square/pentagon/hexagon/(I could go on)?
As you might have noticed from all the sarcasm, I don't really LIKE love triangles. In fact, I generally hate them, because they bring a lot of unnecessary drama and somehow the guy I root for is always on the losing side. :/. Another reason can be that it's just unbearably sadsadsad and heartbreaking because both guys are really awesome and great and just all-around decent (WillTessaJem in The Infernal Devices. I FUCKING CRIED). So basically, now I'm not sure I want to read the rest, but I probably will end up reading them anyway.

Either way, I have enough books now to keep me happy. Yay, birthday!

Now we've just gotta see how long they last...


AND LOOKIT THIS --> http://serebii.net/black2white2/
excitedexcitedexcited.



~Levyathan